Race Report

A couple people mentioned to me, as I feverishly collected manifests and sorted times in the race results spreadsheet, that it looked like a lot of work to organize the Heritage (Tree) Time Trial, but as a matter of fact, it wasn’t work at all.

It’s not work when you have amazing sponsors like Vapolution Vaporizors, who, for the 8th year in a row, blew me away with their generosity by contributing yet another of the coveted glass-on-glass vaporizers for the prize pool.

It’s not work when Peddler Brewing donates a keg of their delicious Pedal Strike Pale Ale for thirsty racers to lap up at the finish.

It’s not work when Kryptonite Lock sends a box of their best locks via overnight mail so three speedy cyclists can win them.

It’s not work when Swift Industries shares a couple of their lovely handmade tool rolls,

nor when Tigr Lock contributes one of their beautiful products,

nor when Detours donates the coolest pannier ever,

nor when any and all of the other sponsors—Sock Guy, Swrve Cycling, Haulin’ Colin Trailers, 2020 Cycle, Bern Helmets, SKS Germany, Walz Caps, Bombus Bikes, Pace Sportswear, Bar Mitts, Planet Bike, and Green Guru,—sponsor the race with such awe-inspiring grace and magnanimity.

And it’s certainly not work when it’s supported all the way through by Fireball, which really does, (as all those shirts for everyone attests to), live up to the billing: “tastes like heaven, burns like hell.”

The brilliant checkpoint helpers—the lovely Miss Dixon, plus Chester, Matchu, Scott, and Marley—maybe they worked, but not me (thanks to them.)

A new record number of riders turned out on a day that suggested even the weather gods smile on such nonsense. 

Two-time winner (now), Rob Johnson, who studied up beforehand on his trees and preferred route, took first place with the ridiculous time of 1:38:34, including the 58 second time bonus for indulging in the gingerbread tree.

Monica Gallagher won first lady and G.S. Barnes earned the Professor Dave metric prize for Your-Age-Minus-Finishing-Place-Highest-Number-Wins Award; he scored a 40!

Many a lovely tree was drawn, but Dr. Ian’s came out on top for its use of color and perspective.

And even though the there’s no doubt the judges (yours truly) lived up to the reminder on the manifest that their (my) decisions were probably imperfect, I think it’s safe to say that everyone won, especially me, who, thanks to all those who came out, contributed, and made everything so awesome, didn’t have to work a bit.

58 Heritage (Tree) Time Trial

In celebration of bikes, beer, bark, history, human-power, habitat, and soaring specimens of deciduous and evergreen beauty who remind us that—in the grand scheme of things—we're not really that old at all, 327 Words proudly presents the 58 Heritage (Tree) Time Trial, an alleycat-style bike race around a fair number shady spots in Seattle with checkpoints and performance detraction options galore beginning at 2020 Cycle 21st and Union in Seattle, WA on Saturday, March 28, 2015 at 3:27 sharp, signups commencing around 2:30 or so.

Participants will pedal furiously to a number of sylvan groves and verdant gardens in order to soothe their psyches (or scramble their brains) beneath the canopy of many a kindly old giant whose majesty makes us feel small, but oddly delighted nonetheless.

Impressive exotics, old-growth behemoths, and spindly little suckers will be featured throughout the event—not to mention a whole lot of different kinds of trees, as well!

All this and more, out on two wheels, rain or shine, no crying or fatal crashes allowed.  Eight dollar suggested donation, free shot glasses for the first 58 riders,

Racers, competing in a group time-trial format, will have every opportunity to make like a tree and leaf one another behind or branch out and see the forest for the trees if that's what they're into.

Prizes—cash and bike schwag—will be awarded for fastest times, men’s and ladies’ divisions, as well as runner-up positions, including, of course, DFL.

Prize sponsors and friends currently on tap or being recruited include:Fireball Whiskey, Detours, Sock Guy, Swrve Cycling, Oregon Cyclewear,  Haulin’ Colin Trailers, 2020 Cycle, Bern Helmets, Swift Industries, Vapolution Vaporizers, SKS Germany, Walz Caps,  Peddler Brewery,  Bombus Bikes, Pace Sportswear, Bar Mitts, Tigr Lock, Swrve Cycling, Planet Bike, Green Guru, Kryptonite Lock, with more to come! Don’t pass up your chance to ride through traffic, have a variety of adventures and misadventures, and always remember: Safety Third!

Friends, relations, and those too lazy to ride, but not to drink are invited to show up at the Madrona Alehouse after about 6:00 for more varieties of nonsense and shenanigans, and, at the root of it all, prizes, too!